Wednesday, December 19, 2007

OK, I realise this might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it is after all the festive season, so indulge me. And I'll be back in Coventry in a couple of days so the place is on my mind right now. To be honest it's not the easiest of places to get misty-eyed about, and if I can't do that at Christmas when can I? Not only that but this year also marks the 20th anniversary of Coventry's only ever trophy. And last but not least, there's a pretty classy array of mullets in here, with the great Brian "Killer" Kilcline way out in front, his lifting of the FA Cup surely one of the ultimate historic mullet moments. He might not be quite in the same league as Jaromír Jágr, but for a non-Czech it's pretty damn impressive. Even the brief glimpse of Thatcher couldn't ruin a moment like that. Great day for Coventry, great day for football, great day for the mullet.

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Click mullet to enlarge
Time, I think, to return to a familiar theme.

The mullet will simply not die here. In a number of countries worldwide the mullet is sometimes even sniggeringly referred to as the “Czech haircut”. This can hardly be something to be proud of, but it’s a fact. Even at the end of 2007 it’s still going strong, at least among the over-30s (and incredibly, some particularly cruel bastards from this group still force the abomination on their young children). Above, if you look carefully, is one grey-haired variety I surreptitiously snapped at the local Christmas market stalls on the town square just a few days ago (apologies for picture quality, but these types are known to be highly aggressive on occasion, so I didn’t dare get any closer). Given that the Czech national Christmas dinner is fried carp (which they traditionally buy live, allow to swim around in the bath for a few days and then smash its brains out on Christmas Eve) you’d think these fish-like creatures might be a bit more circumspect about their mulletude at this time of year. But no, even in this day and age they can be found swaggering around in cocksure fashion, wilfully affronting good morals and thumbing their noses at the taste police.

Bouncy football mullet
How, and why do they get away with it? Surely a large part of it is that they’re taking their cues from celebrity Czech mullets, who have been setting a bad example here to young and old alike now for several decades. Look at this bouffant cracker from Pavel Hapal, a local lad and former Sigma Olomouc footballer, no less. In the past the mullet has been highly represented in the world of sport, particularly football and ice hockey. Which of course brings me to…
Speedy hockey mullet
Jaromír Jágr. The Tyrannosaurus Rex of all Czech mullets, without doubt the most famous. One of the richest Czech people alive to boot, raking it in as a leading hockey player in the North American NHL. I don’t want to make excuses – there can be none – but when this man is held up as something to aspire to, what hope can there be for coiffure culture in this small nation, which was after all so casually dismissed before the war by Neville Chamberlain? At least Jágr had the decency to discard his mullet several years back now, although the repercussions can still be felt. Of course, this is not a plea for clemency, he should undoubtedly be held to account for his past crimes, but let’s get back to the present day.
Power mullet

Oh my god, NO! Sadly yes. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce Mr. Mirek Topolánek. Who’s he?, some of you might ask in all innocence. No less than the PRIME MINISTER of the Czech Republic, is who he is. It might be small, but it’s nevertheless unmistakable. And as I’ve been reassured on numerous occasions, size isn’t everything. In this case it’s the bloody principle of the thing. The Prime Minister is growing a mullet. Just as we thought things might be looking up here with reasonable economic performance and the strength of the Czech crown against the dollar, through this one act of astonishing, unthinking callousness he boots the image of the country right back to the days of totalitarian rule. Really, what an absolute fucking disgrace.