I’m not prejudiced, but…

The other day I had to endure a very long hour in the compartment of a train with a Jehova’s Witness with rancid fucking b.o. In other words I was subjected to a protracted insult to my morals and intelligence as well as a violent olfactory assault, both of which left a noxious, lingering stench. Didn’t anyone tell the smelly, god-bothering bastard that cleanliness is next to godliness? I can only hope the evil fucker experienced the same sense of exasperation I felt every time he bleated “it’s written in the bible”, when I inevitably responded “so what?”. And when I farted in his face.

It would be an appalling injustice to lump the Mormons in with scum like him, not only because all the Mormons I’ve met (quite a number over the last year) have been very pleasant, if misguided young men, but also because on the strength of the clip below the Osmonds are clearly well overdue for a critical rehabilitation, from toothy Jesus freaks to righteous eco-doomsayers who could fucking ROCK when they wanted to. Nevertheless, having had a certain amount of (sometimes interesting, at other times awkwardly hilarious) contact with this bunch, as well as having been pestered variously by Hare Krishnas and other human garbage, I’m starting to worry that I might be somehow acting as a magnet for religious nutters. What is it about me that screams “my heart is open to the Lord, if only one of his messengers could show me the way”? The only conclusion I can come to is that I’m obviously not fucking rude enough.

I’m not pre-judging, I’m just judging. Using the critical faculties that god gave me. All Jehova’s Witnesses are cunts and should be shot. Don’t worry Donny, my copy of the Watchtower’s already in the recycling bin.