Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Damn, I wish I was smart.

I’m slightly ashamed to say that my career as Director of International Finance for Serbian rock legends TONA has got off to a rather inauspicious start, and it’s largely my own fault. Even despite the obvious fact that these grasping sacks of shit are responsible for setting off the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression (and that as well, come to think of it), I was still witless enough to place my trust in the banking system. So when the first cheque for CDs sold (yes, that’s why I was promoting it!) arrived from the US of A, I rushed down to my local branch of Fleecing Bastards Plc. to let it “rest” in my account for a while. Maybe I could even rake a bit of interest off the proceeds before I forwarded it to its rightful owners, slick wheeler-dealer type that I am. But of course I didn’t reckon with the fact that the charge for implementing this transaction would come to approximately two thirds of the amount on the cheque. Which given the value of the US dollar these days, was not much to start with.

When it comes to the global economic meltdown that’s currently taking place, don’t expect any erudite opinion from these quarters. Naturally on a personal level, whenever I hear of City types getting thrown out on the streets, Managing Directors of banks having their bonuses written off, the company Mercedes getting repossessed etc. my heart bleeds, in fact I’ve recently taken to waiting outside banks at closing time and tearfully hugging their freshly sacked former bosses as they leave for the last time. Still, though I hate to disappoint you, I’m going to have to leave it to the FT, Economist, Embezzler’s Weekly etc. to provide you with in-depth macroeconomic analysis. The very idea of banking and economics, I’m forced to admit, is something that has always bored me senseless, with the result that I know next to nothing about it.

Unfortunately, so it seems, neither do bankers or economists. Which in my mind begs an obvious question: why don’t we just fucking shoot them all?

4 Comments:

Blogger TONA said...

This would be very funny actually,
if its not our money, that is pretty UNfunny. But not quite unexpected, i have to say, i was expecting something to go wrong, and it did,. Bah. No worries, we do apreciate the effort anyway it turns out, dont get opset.
It would be a perfect world where Serbia one day HAS the opportunity of normal e-transaction (read PayPal), but that day is not in sight. I ll try to think of something else before the next cheque....

10:56 PM  
Blogger ASHDAV said...

Your accommodating approach is very much appreciated, Mr. Almosthole. Of course you are no doubt aware of the fact that once my commission fees are deducted you will actually owe ME money.

What did you expect, there's no such thing as a free lunch eh? The invoice is in the post. Should you have any objections my lawyers/hired thugs will be in touch.

11:40 PM  
Blogger TONA said...

Youbastard! I ll fuckin kill ya! Havent you heard of the notorious serbian lust for blood and revenge?
Not to mention mass-rapings...

2:31 PM  
Blogger ASHDAV said...

Indeed I am familiar with those Serbian traits, and I'm impressed. So much so that I've decided to employ a Serbian debt collection agency.

3:51 PM  

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