Unlikely congratulations this week go to Pope Benedict XVI, who, admittedly through no virtue of his own, has pissed off huge amounts of self righteous, humourless twats all over the place. I have to concede it is a little unfair to portray Islam as a violent religion, as its devotees have proven by taking to the street, screaming and beating their chests. I wonder if they’ll set fire to any embassies, as they did when a newspaper which can be read by no more than a few dozen Muslims worldwide published cartoons depicting the great prophet in that cesspool of sin and vice Denmark (well, they do eat a lot of bacon there). Perhaps they’ll accidentally trample a few of their own kind to death in their frenzied clamour to show just how non-violent they are. Of course, the words “pot” and “kettle” do rather come to mind here – this is the Pope talking, for God’s sake. I think I’ll let history put my case for me, i.e. that a non-violent religion is an oxymoron, you idiots!

Of course, the Pope’s defence (personally I think he’s being a pussy) is that he was quoting another great Christian scholar, whose views he doesn’t necessarily endorse. Why quote him then, Benny boy? And why use that particular quote? Are you telling me that there are no quotes anywhere, in any ecclesiastical chronicles throughout history, which promote non-violence without sniping at other religions? No? Well think up one of your own then.

Easy target I know, organised religion, but when I’m fed a fat juicy maggot like that one I can’t resist rising to the bait. In a Papish spirit I’d like to finish off with a quote. I quote: “The Pope’s a fucking cocksucker”, unquote. Don’t know who said it (might have been Ian Paisley), and it in no way represents my own views, but it’s brilliant anyway.